Today, we were allowed to sleep in allll the way until 5 AM! Lovely! We frantically packed all of our things away and did yet another car reorganization before we were on our way to the dock for the ferry.
As we pulled out of the hotel, I caught the strong smell of shit. I mentioned it smelt like shit but then I moved on… no one else noticed so I was sure everything was fine. I sat all nice and cozy on top of my feet and we were on our way! As we got to parking, I let my hands rest on my car seat and felt something squishy. At this point, I had forgotten all about the smell, so I was intrigued by the texture of this object that surely I own and just forgot I packed. I held it a little longer until the panic kicked in. I was holding shit and I was sure of it. I looked down and sure enough, it was a massive dog turd. Immediately I dropped it and announced that there really was shit in the car. There was not a proper reaction to that sentence. Some yeah, sures and shrugs mostly. And then Mom turned around to check if any cars were behind ours and she saw it. Bless, she saw it. Panic ensued. She handed me a pile of napkins and I scooped up the turd and got up to clean the rest of my seat when I realized: I was sitting on my feet, which were undoubtedly the agent of this little surprise. If I stepped in dog shit… it's on the one pair of shorts that I have for this camping trip. I did a quick little twirl and luckily, my shorts were clean. But we still had my sandal and seat to clean. Now is where things got side tracked.
We pulled into the building at the given address at about 5:45, and there was no one there. No one. So this isn't right. Mom parked and went out to talk to a man who appeared to be in our same situation. He, too, was lost and in search of the ferry.
So here's the context: you have to book the tickets for this ferry and campsite 6 months in advance. They release them just like concert tickets. Luckily, Mom snagged them for us while sitting in the optometrist's waiting room. Awesome! You can also do day trips and just book the ferry, and the day of instructions are very different between the two. If you're camping, you have to get there at 6 AM to deliver your camping things so they can stow them under the boat. So there's no reason for a day tripper to be at the ferry at 6 AM.
Okay so this guy Mom talked to… he wasn't camping the night. So, there was no reason to be there at 6 AM. Mom mentioned to him that we were camping but felt nervous about it, and he became so insistent that he tried to book camping 7 months ago and there were no spots left. My dude, they weren't selling them yet. And also we're not giving you our spot.
Anyway, we decided to pull around to a different side of the building. Now, keep in mind, I am still cleaning my foot and seat. Standing in the backseat facing my seat. While the car is driving. I really wish someone had gotten a picture of this saga. Anyway, we pulled into the right place and I was finally clean. We unloaded all of our things and Dad went to park the car while we got to talking with some of the lovely crew. They tagged our bags and then asked for our photo IDs. Sure, here's the photo IDs for all 3 adults. But what about the minor? Oh, god. We didn't get Gideon's passport from the car. In our defense, nowhere in the instructions did they announce the need for any photo IDs whatsoever. And, to be clear, a minor can BOARD AN AIRPLANE for a domestic flight without a photo ID. So we didn't really expect getting on a ferry to a deserted island to be harder than boarding your average airplane. The woman trusted that we would get Gideon's passport for boarding and gave him his paper wristband anyway. She did, however, assure us that he will need his ID for check in and boarding. Ok.
While Mom was talking to the staff I called Dad and asked if he could grab Gideon's passport. His first word in response was Motherfucker.
But he pulled through and Gideon got his passport.
Next was perhaps the worst part of the morning, if you can believe it. The mandated arrival was 6 AM. It was about 6:15 and we were all set. Check in and boarding did not even open until 7 AM. In fact, the captain told us to go get breakfast and then come back. Sir… why are we even here at 6 AM, then? Whatever. There were a few nice picnic benches and we were able to sit around for a while.
Mom was pretty anxious about boarding and getting nice seats, so we were standing in line as the first family to check in, because they boarded in order. We got up to check in and handed over all our IDs including Gideons and she didn't need a single one. So getting Gideon's passport was for nothing. That was fine anyway, because it gave us all time to use the bathroom before we left. Once we returned from that venture, I sat down next to this woman in the waiting room who was shifting through her stuff and she dropped her boarding pass. I handed it back to her, nice deed done. And then she started coughing violently. And she wouldn't stop. And Dad, who has no situational awareness, had the hand sanitizer. So I had to quietly ask for the hand sanitizer without her knowing I'm being rude. So I whispered to Dad if he had the hand sanitizer, and he waited me out for a reason I needed it and asked at full volume. Brother. At this point, Mom noticed the woman's sickness and told me to move closer to her, then provided hand sanitizer. Bless.
But our waiting room saga could not be done yet. I was hungry. But so was Dad, and there were vending machines, so we went to go get a snack. Breakfast was going to be provided on board, but I was hungry right that very second. And as I'm sure most of you know, I get hangry. So we walked up and picked what we wanted to eat, then went to insert payment. Cash only. We'd been leaving cash tips at the hotels, so we had no cash. Even better, there were two more machines that accepted cards… and they were both only beverages. Hangry it is, then.
We finally boarded the boat and got to grab some bagels as we left the dock. We had taken some dramamine before the boat, as we had been warned the waves were massive that day. So, after breakfast, we all passed out for the majority of the boat ride.
When we got there, it was bright, beautiful and sunny. We grabbed our things and some scuba gear and went to set up camp. For a boy scouts badge a month or so ago, Gideon had to teach someone something. He chose to teach me how to build the tent we were camping in. Therefore, I was offered up to help with the setup. It actually wasn't too bad, and I did feel good being able to do something.
Once that was set up, we decided it was snorkel time.
If my emotions have seemed at all violent and volatile to you at any point, it is because my period chose the worst day to come: the first day of the roadtrip. Any uterus owners out there know that makes pack in, pack out camping with the addition of snorkeling about ten times harder. Especially if you prefer pads.
So when it was snorkel time, I had to get up to the whole shebang. Change out of my clingy sweaty clothes and into my swimsuit as well as freshen up. Luckily, the boat was still around, meaning there was trash in the bathroom for soiled products. For now.
Back at the campsite, Mom and Gideon were futzing with masks and vests. They looked… interesting. For those of you who haven't snorkeled before, or even those of you who have, these vests were a little different than at least we were used to. They wanted you to strap it around your crotch and tighten it really well. This made for an interesting walking style from Mom particularly who really took the tightening to heart. For everyone else, it just resulted in really voluptuous butts throughout the snorkel experience due to the vest strap wedgie.
But the funniest part of all of this equipment was the flippers. Obviously they are difficult to walk in. The explanatory video told us to put them on while actively in the water so as to not damage you or the flippers. Mom and Gideon put them on about a foot from the water's edge, and I put them on about 6 inches deep. Neither of these options were good enough. We were doing dangerous little clown walks for quite a while, eventually ending in my falling off a sandy ledge and grabbing Gideon who almost went down with me. Nonetheless, we persist. I swam out a little further and then decided that sand had gotten in my flipper and it hurt too bad. Therefore, relying on my floatation vest to keep me alive (which they specifically mentioned was not a lifesaving device), I took off and put back on both flippers mid water. So much better. We had a great time seeing some fun and colorful fish and coral!
Afterwards, me and Mom decided it was well time for a good nap… if such a thing is possible in 85 degree heat and high humidity on the floor of a tent when all you want is a shower and a hotel bed. We did end up getting a little shut eye in, though!
After our nap we decided it was time for a tour of the fort! Which meant I had to do the whole she-bang again to get back into my normal clothes. So I changed and freshened up in the compost camping bathrooms… with no trash. And now I have to walk all the way back to the campsite with my dirty tampon in my hands. Gross.
Anyway we made our way over to Fort Jerrferson, we got a lot of fun photos and got to learn a lot of information. For instance, the doctor responsible for treating Lee Harvey Oswald after Lincoln's assassination was kept prisoner there! For a while he did odd jobs throughout the fort, until the fort's main doctor died in a yellow fever epidemic… and then they just… let the guy become the doctor and treat everyone? Desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose, but at least they didn't promote or treat him any differently after that pure stroke of luck, right? Wrong. They pardoned the guy afterwards. Really.
Back at the campsite, I watched a few downloaded episodes of Hunter Hunter until the sun began to set. We packed up our things for the night and then headed out to watch the sunset. It was a short one, but still good.
Then it was time for the most challenging part of my evening: falling asleep for good. With no blanket and no baby blanket for comfort. I could have held Patrick at least, but I was so sweaty I didn't want him getting gross. So here I go, sleeping with no comfort and pure willpower. Oh, and a good ol' dose of melatonin.
I'm gonna insert right here that I am not a massive sweater. I get plenty hot, I just don't sweat a lot. But I was legitimately dripping sweat trying to go to sleep. The minute I would get comfortable and almost asleep, I would feel a tickle down my neck. A bug! A bug! I have to violently slap my burnt neck! Ouch! That was just sweat.
Eventually, and with the use of a T-shirt to wipe my sweat, I fell asleep.
Nice deed of the day: I handed a coughing woman her boarding pass that she dropped, and helped a family take a picture of themselves relaxing at their campsite!
Boy Meets Comb:
You thought he was going to do his hair at 5 AM? Yeah, right. The boy doesn't even do his hair if there's something good on TV instead!